kept a captive of my own soul & miscommunicated to the heavens.
my ♥ remains heavy so often I forget what light feels like.
light that used to fill my days & lighten my smile.
I see glimpses of that girl I once was & it amazes me to remember life before
stumbling into this startling darkness. I remain trapped inside this body of fear that has made itself so prevalent. at times I can barely move. where does this come from?
what needs to be said or done to change, before spiraling out of control? God's answers remain
standing I'm sure, it's just that I don't care to look behind me
to check on that. I am mired deep in the here & now, with no
vision for a future or change of season. I see others struggling around
me - and I hurt for them. I seem them search for answers the
same way that I have & get their heart trampled on along the way.
it's not a pretty picture that surfaces. a flood of days that
once were comes rushing back all at once. lazy sun days
and calling friends to chat for hours, when there was all
the time in the world for that. a connection to those
I love has been severed - and in return, for those that
care about me. my strength learns in new ways to be
drawn from the One above - and not my friends here.
attacked at my weakest moment leaves me
feeling deserted & lowly. my rock & fortress becomes
someone I haven't leaned on for strength in a long
while. my perspective changes everything all at once
and clouds my view of any happiness to be found.

- written during a difficult point in my life while working as a residential counselor at a rehabilitation facility for struggling teens