Heartlight days

If I had a dream to give or a hope to hold, I would. If love wasn't such a hard barrier to cross and if it only didn't cut so deep. If my sins weren't so hard to expose and I could stop the lies that are so prevalent. My patience wears thin and thinner still is the skin that once covered this heart of mine. Mine to own up to and mine to explain away as I choose...is this pain. Fear grabs ahold and won't let it's talons go. Nights storm the light out of my head and heart and allows the mind to wander in areas it should not tread. Being fearful and afraid to live this life - is not the person I was made to be. The sense of longing that I have for something to change is powerful and overwhelms me at every turn. Why this battle rages on in my mind and heart, I don't know. How do I open myself up to something different and take a different path? Asking the question of what needs to change in my life to feel alive again? What do I need to let go of to allow His light into my heart once more? I know it was there. Before all the stress and this chaotic pool I've jumped into - but was it there? What have I to learn in all of this? How can I take one day at a time and focus on why He has me here for this very day - this very hour even? He knows me as his child, inside and out - but do I trust Him? Do I trust Him to never leave or forsake me and to give me that last ounce of strength that I need at the end of the day? Will I stop carrying this burden on my own and do more than pray for His strength and patience - but live on the promise that we have only to ask and He will give? Own up to my own faults and confess my sinse, and let it sink in that He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and will purify me of all unrighteousness. "Ask me, my child, and then go and live in it!"